Twelve days ago, I turned 45. I remember when I turned 35, I refused to acknowledge that I was middle aged. But, now I have to face it. Have to admit it, embrace it, love it or hate it, live with it, absorb it, be it...I am a middle aged woman! Who would've believed it? Seriously, I feel like emotionally, I'm in my 20's. I'm a bit smarter now than I was in my 20's, but I don't feel like I have the maturity or confidence of a middle aged woman. It's just hard to believe! I'm not ashamed or depressed about it - at least I don't think so.
It's bizarre to be at a place in my life where there are things I will definitely NEVER do again. Until you are in your 40's, it's hard to see that there is an end to things you'll do or can do. It doesn't even mean that I particularly want to do these things, it's just that I can't or won't. Here's a short list of things I'll never do again (or do at all) or be:
Be a rock star, have anymore babies, nurse babies, go back to school for an art degree, sky dive or ride in a hot air balloon (the older I get, the more afraid I am of things involving heights or the possibility of falling out of the sky like a rock), look like Malibu Barbie.
As one gets older, the list gets longer...But you know, it beats the alternative doesn't it? And no one is guaranteed a certain amount of time. My mom was middle age when she was 25, but didn't know it (she died of cancer at age 50).
I guess it just takes a bit of an attitude adjustment and acceptance.
So, I'm 45 - how am I going to spend my time? Who am I going to help? Who am I going to love? What am I going to do with myself?
I plan on spending my time wisely.