Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Insecurity

The past year and 4 months have been really fun and exciting as far as creativity goes. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would have so many people looking at my drawings (and when I say "so many" I really mean "more than five members of my immediate family"). I've gotten such positive feedback which has given me confidence to do more things. I've also seen beautiful art by many people and been able to chat with artists who inspire me. In addition, I've had opportunities to participate in craft fairs, be interviewed for the local paper, sell on consignment in another state. These are things I never imagined I'd be able to do. So, it's really amazing and I'm so happy!

But I've noticed lately how emotionally needy I am becoming when I put some piece of artwork "out there". I find that when I put something in my blog, or on face book or twitter or some other place, whether it's something I've written or an illustration, I just sit and wait for feedback.

And sometimes I don't get any.

Then I become a little obsessed with not getting feedback. Does this mean no one likes it? Does this mean no one is visiting my blog/etsy shop/facebook page/twitter posts? Are my 15 minutes of "fame" over? Am I ready to have all my creative juices dry up again and all I'll be able to do is draw the letters of my own name?

I feel like I'm in junior high or something, it's so SILLY! If no one in the world ever commented on my art again, or gave me any feedback about it, wouldn't that be ok? It would still be a wonderful outlet for me. It would still be fun and exciting. I could still get inspiration from and communicate with others.

I don't "do art" so that people will stroke my pitiful little ego. I do it because it's helping me have something that is my own when my full time job is to do other things that make me feel inadequate (taking care of little kids who are all too eager to let me know how I've failed them, keeping the house clean, cooking, paying bills, etc. All things that aren't my strength, but I'm responsible for anyway). I do it because it's theraputic and because I really need to use all these craft supplies I've been hoarding over the years!

If you are reading this post, please don't feel obligated to leave a comment. This is not a thinly designed ploy for feedback. In fact, it might be better if you don't leave any feedback, so I can just "get over myself"! :)

7 comments:

Laura said...

You are not alone. :) I think most people feel the same way. Just yesterday I added some new things to etsy I blogged about them and added them to Flickr. I must of checked on all of them over 100 times combined. I am still a little sad that I did not get a single comment on my blog. :( LOL I will live.

glassidentities said...

I agree with laura... you are so not alone in how you feel... I find myself listing something or writing something and coming back a million times to check and see if anyone noticed.. and if I can see someone visited then why didnt they leave a comment.. did they hate it... did they not read it.. why why why... then I just take a chill pill and move on.... until I list or post something new :)

Kala Pohl Studio said...

Interesting how this neediness creeps up on all of us:) I was fine until I started blogging - hmmm...wonder what that says:):)

Parallax said...

Not alone at all. I know I put too much investment in positive feedback from anonymous internet commenters -- but I still check to see what they said more often than I should.

**Robin** said...

Hi There..Wow..not alone..its natural to feel that way...when you do ..go create..stop the nonsense and go use the energy to create..thats what you do best..check out others art, get inspired...change direction..your art is gorgeous, unique too and I love it..!!I just added you to my stumbleupon...Grrrreat exposure..!! Hope you like it..!! you can find it at:
http://robinmead.stumbleupon.com/....have a great inspirational day..!!

**Robin** said...

Hi There..was re-reading your post..you are tooo cute..regarding more than 5 in your family...It doesnt seem that youve been doing this so long..you really have a great blog and wonderful art in it and your Etsy too..I was reminiscing about how I used to feel when I started out..maybe 2-3 years ago selling and 5-6 years ago introducing myself to "artistic talents"..we all go through vulnerable times and it becomes part of your talent..anyway have agreat day..!! Robin

**Robin** said...

Hi There..Hey, I just nominated you for a Lemonade Blog Award...it's just to say thanks for your comments...you really don't have to post it if you do not wish...but visit my blog to check it out..Robin