Sunday, January 17, 2010

I Think I'm Onto Something

My wonderful husband took my kids away for awhile this weekend, so I could have time to myself. I love having time to myself. I had planned to do art all weekend so I'd have something new and interesting to sell at the artist's market next weekend. The problem is, I was absolutely uninspired to create anything. I hate it when that happens! How often do I get a big chunk of time when I can paint to my heart's content? Not very often. So I spent most of my time yesterday watching some of the 65 episodes of Law and Order I've been recording on DVR (and eating a bunch of crap I shouldn't eat).

Today I sat down to do some work and the same thing happened - nothing. Just all these feelings of dread and self doubt and being uninterested. So I decided to do a few other things. I took a shower, watched a movie, ate some dinner. Then I went back to my room to put a coat or two on some things I want to decorate. I made myself work for an hour, then I decided to do dishes. If I wasn't going to do art, then I may as well do something that will make me feel productive.

While I was doing dishes, an interesting thought occured to me: maybe the reason I'm not a very good house keeper (besides the fact that I don't really like housework) is because if all the housework is done, then I have no excuse not to do art. I keep telling myself that I can't do art because I have all this other stuff to do, but what if that's just a way to avoid the thing I think I really want to do?! Or, what if I don't even really want to do art, after telling myself for years that I do? Wow. Then I thought about how much fun I have when I do have an idea and get it out on paper. Or how much I enjoy talking with people about creativity. And who would I be if I didn't have this one thing that is all mine?

I joined an art journal challenge this month called A Year in the Life of an Art Journal. I'm really excited about doing this because I think it will help me learn things about journaling and inspire me to do some art. The first prompt is asking: what is it that keeps me from doing what I want to do? And all the things I think of, all the excuses I make - everything comes back to me. I'm the one who keeps me from doing the things I want to do. Isn't that interesting?

So, I guess I'd better learn to get out of my own way.


glassidentities said...

I love it!! "Learn to get out of my own way" I think we all do that sometimes... I know I had to make a list of my "reasons" for not doing some things and sort them into two different groups.. "reasons" and "excuses" and I work hard at not getting the two confused, which is really hard sometimes.

Felicia Kramer said...

If it's any consolation, you're not alone. I'm kind of in the same boat and for me it comes every January. I start the year with this huge list of busy things I MUST DO in January. And I make myself crazy. I'm starting to settle down a little and getting back to my art, telling myself I will get back to all that busy-ness eventually!