My wonderful husband took my kids away for awhile this weekend, so I could have time to myself. I love having time to myself. I had planned to do art all weekend so I'd have something new and interesting to sell at the artist's market next weekend. The problem is, I was absolutely uninspired to create anything. I hate it when that happens! How often do I get a big chunk of time when I can paint to my heart's content? Not very often. So I spent most of my time yesterday watching some of the 65 episodes of Law and Order I've been recording on DVR (and eating a bunch of crap I shouldn't eat).
Today I sat down to do some work and the same thing happened - nothing. Just all these feelings of dread and self doubt and being uninterested. So I decided to do a few other things. I took a shower, watched a movie, ate some dinner. Then I went back to my room to put a coat or two on some things I want to decorate. I made myself work for an hour, then I decided to do dishes. If I wasn't going to do art, then I may as well do something that will make me feel productive.
While I was doing dishes, an interesting thought occured to me: maybe the reason I'm not a very good house keeper (besides the fact that I don't really like housework) is because if all the housework is done, then I have no excuse not to do art. I keep telling myself that I can't do art because I have all this other stuff to do, but what if that's just a way to avoid the thing I think I really want to do?! Or, what if I don't even really want to do art, after telling myself for years that I do? Wow. Then I thought about how much fun I have when I do have an idea and get it out on paper. Or how much I enjoy talking with people about creativity. And who would I be if I didn't have this one thing that is all mine?
I joined an art journal challenge this month called A Year in the Life of an Art Journal. I'm really excited about doing this because I think it will help me learn things about journaling and inspire me to do some art. The first prompt is asking: what is it that keeps me from doing what I want to do? And all the things I think of, all the excuses I make - everything comes back to me. I'm the one who keeps me from doing the things I want to do. Isn't that interesting?
So, I guess I'd better learn to get out of my own way.