I visited my kids' school tonight to learn about what they are supposed to learn this year. My son is 7 and in 2nd grade and my daughter, who is 5 is in Kindergarten. The information I heard was fine, the teachers are fine, I like their school and think they have an amazing principal.
But when I got home, I was feeling kind of grumpy and sad. Deep in my heart, I must hate the fact that my kids are moving into the world where I don't really know what is going on. I don't know how they behave during the days, if they are kind to their fellow students, and respectful of their teachers. I don't know if they are sticking up for themselves when someone is unkind to them and if they are able to stick up for someone else who might be getting bullied. I also struggle a little with the thought that someone else (a teacher) is bossing my kids around.
It's nights like these that make me feel like a wimp and like I have no clue what this whole parenting gig is about. Why can't I be more grown up about them? Kids have to grow up, learn things I can't teach them, be with people I don't know, learn about authority and following rules and doing homework.
Maybe what I'm really trying to say here, is that sometimes I'm afraid I didn't really equip them. I know I've been selfish and self-centered and I probably should have spent more time with them. I should've been better about sharing my art supplies. Maybe I should've signed them up for some self-defense classes or something.
I know I still have a huge influence on them and that I haven't totally failed them. However, something about going to their school and hearing about their day without me, makes me feel a little insecure. I sure hope I'm going to get over this before they go to college!